Finding Purpose Through Emotional Intelligence

Can you recall a recent stressful day at work, and how you reacted to it? How you cope with stress is a sign of self-awareness. How that stressor affected your emotions, social skills, and performance for the remainder of the day is a sign of your emotional intelligence (EI). Let’s explore how improving your EI is key to living a purposeful life.

Defining emotional intelligence and emotional quotient

According to Elaine Houston, a positive psychology researcher and writer in behavioral science, “EI forms the juncture at which cognition and emotion meet; it facilitates our capacity for resilience, motivation, empathy, reasoning, stress management, communication, and our ability to read and navigate a plethora of social situations and conflicts.” EI is fundamental to our daily life, directly impacting our ability to perceive, process, and manage emotional information effectively.

Measuring EI is not easy, according to Dr. Alicia Nortje, a Postdoctoral Research Fellow in the Department of Psychology at the University of Cape Town, South Africa. Nortje states “EI is a construct and, consequently, difficult to measure. It’s not as though we can pick up a block of EI and measure it on a scale; instead, we need to devise questions that reliably tap into this concept.” Standardized testing is sometimes used to help determine a person’s emotional quotient (EQ), which is a score that represents a general level of EI.

Emotional intelligence traits

Knowing how to improve your EI starts with an understanding of its common characteristics to assess your current strengths and weaknesses. EI is commonly defined by the following traits:

• Self-awareness. Recognizing what motivates you and what allows you to live a more fulfilled life.
• Self-regulation. The ability to manage your emotions, the skills to adapt to change, and manage conflicts.
• Self-motivation. A clear focus on self-fulfillment rather than aiming to please others. Those that are self-motivators are usually more committed and goal-oriented.
• Empathy. The ability to acknowledge how others are feeling before responding to the situation.
• Social skills. Knowing how to interact with others based on verbal and non-verbal communication. This can include listening skills and trust building. 

Why emotional intelligence is important

EI affects your ability to live a more purposeful and balanced life. Lyn Christian, a coach, consultant, author, and founder of SoulSalt states, “...every single person has a purpose in life. But contrary to what we expect, it’s rarely an obvious or straightforward path. The way is hidden by insidious forces, and the first step is to recognize them.” Our reactions to situations, whether positive or negative, have been ingrained in us since an early age. Recognizing these feelings and their source is the pinnacle of self-awareness. Identifying and dropping what is not working will lead to happier and healthier relationships, and ultimately help us reach our goals.

How to improve your emotional intelligence

EI is essential in all aspects of our life. Not only does EI help us find our purpose, but it also improves our physical health, mental well-being, and leadership skills. Here are a few simple ways you can improve your EI.

• Observe your feelings and reflect. Spend a few minutes journaling about your day before going to bed. Reflecting on your day may feel silly at first but you will become more conscious of your feelings and reactions throughout your day knowing that you will reflect on them later. Once you get a few weeks under your belt, start looking for patterns in your positive and negative experiences. This will provide insight into what’s working and what isn’t.
• Respond rather than react. Reacting is what you do when you’re in the heat of your emotions, which can negatively impact your relationships. When you become more aware of your emotional triggers, you can proactively think of better ways to respond in advance. Pause, breathe, and remember that not every person or email needs an immediate reaction.
• Remain humble and empathize. If you begin your EI journey by thinking that you’re always right, you will not be able to see your own faults and you’re more likely to be negatively impacted when things do not go according to plan. Empathy is about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and gaining a new perspective on the situation to avoid biases and incorrect conclusions that you may otherwise be blind to.
• Practice your listening skills. Rather than waiting for your turn to speak, seek clarity about a situation by requesting feedback and noting nonverbal communication. Spending time actively listening and showing your undivided attention demonstrates you care about how they feel and builds trust. Your body language, such as eye contact and how you position yourself while listening, demonstrates your level of interest, attention, and sincerity. Stay curious, and you just might learn something.

Enhancing your EI skills increases your self-awareness, improves your leadership skills, and strengthens your social connections. EI serves as a guide for living a life of purpose regardless of your circumstances. If you or someone you know is trying to learn more about EI, emotional health, and purpose, find out how Arctos360 can help.